Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
