Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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