No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
