There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
