He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
