so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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