every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
