I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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