It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
