Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
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My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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