remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
