So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
