before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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