Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
