Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
