so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
