Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
