Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
