Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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