4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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