I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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