OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
