I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
