after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize