I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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