Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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