i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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