There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
