hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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