You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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