my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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