Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
