dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
