She is in my trunk
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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