Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
