He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Houston, we have a blender
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize