Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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