oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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