hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
