She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
