So drunk its hurt
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize