I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
