i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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