I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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