So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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