I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
