i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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