Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
