my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
