I got chris browned last night
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize