Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
