he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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