it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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