im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
