You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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