i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
