Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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