the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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