hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
