I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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