bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
