I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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