What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
