I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
