i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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