Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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