Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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