Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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