I hate your face
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
