He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
