end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
