Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
