i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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