At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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