So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
