they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
