dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
