Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
