I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
