My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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