This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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