Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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