my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
