when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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