so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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