If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize