Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
