i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
