Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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