I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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